Be heard and valued
- melissachoe
- Oct 11, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 5, 2024
Do you struggle with speaking up in group settings? You’re not alone. Many of us find it challenging to voice our thoughts and opinions in meetings, discussions or social gatherings. While the reasons may vary among individuals, some common barriers include the following:
Respect for Authority and Group Harmony
“Should I wait for my turn to speak?”
“Is now the right time?”
Fear of Judgment and Criticism
“What will they think of me if I say this?”
"Am I saying the right things?"
Feeling of Insecurity and Lack of Confidence
“What I have to say isn’t that important.”
“I can’t think of anything important.”
Natural Introversion and Avoidance of Attention
“I’d rather blend in than stand out.”
Early in your career, staying quiet might seem like the safer choice, but as you progress, the pressure mounts. Here are some practical tips to build confidence and overcome these barriers:
1. Shift the focus to the group or project, not yourself:
Don’t make it about yourself. It’s easy to become preoccupied with how others will perceive us, which can lead to self-doubt and a desire to impress, ultimately resulting in paralysis and silence. Instead, try shifting your focus to what genuinely serves the best interests of the group or the project. As soon as the pressure to impress or seek validation is lifted, your contributions are no longer weighed down by the fear of judgment but are guided by a sincere desire to enhance the group's outcomes. While subtle, this purposeful shift in mindset will free you to engage more effectively with the group.
2. Listen and ask - don’t overthink what to say:
It's not always about what you say. Effective questioning is a powerful communications tool that elevates our engagement and contribution to any discussion. Often, when we become so fixated on what to say, we inadvertently tune out as we mentally rehearse our responses, thus disengaging from the actual discussion. In contrast, effective questioning demands active listening. These are not questions asked for the sake of asking; they are purposeful and probing questions designed to stimulate the discussion by encouraging creative and critical thinking. Such questions not only speak volumes about your understanding of the subject but can also influence the direction of the discussion or even the overall project.
3. No strict timing rules.
There are no hard and fast rules for when and how you can contribute to a group discussion. Perhaps you missed the opportunity to speak up during the discussion or simply lacked the courage, then consider expressing your thoughts afterward. If you have ideas that were not mentioned during the discussion, feel free to share them. If you found someone’s response to be great, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it. If you have questions or need clarification, follow up. This not only allows you to convey your ideas in a thoughtful and composed manner, free from the pressures of the group setting, but may also provide opportunities to nurture your connections with the relevant individuals.
4. Be prepared.
It doesn't always come easy. It may appear that some individuals are naturally articulate, but you might be surprised by the amount of preparation that someone may have put in before a meeting or discussion. Many individuals frequently engage in researching the subject matter and, when applicable, the participants. Such additional information is not only relevant for crafting potential discussion points and effective questions but helps to build one's confidence. So, the next time you encounter someone who impresses you with her articulate contributions, don't automatically assume its purely a matter of natural talent or gift; instead, consider the hard work that may have occurred behind the scenes.
Your voice and your thoughts matter. Don't let the fear of speaking up hold you back. Empower yourself to communicate effectively in group settings so that you may be heard and valued.
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